ANOTHER BLEEDING VISITOR

We had another visitor last week. Condoleza Rice penetrated our airport in her armoured car; four follow up vehicles, and a gunship helicopter (just in case). Little Johnny was beaming – he needs these ego boosts, because he knows the war n Iraq is a god-awful mistake that we will leave with the US and our tails between our legs. Like the British did in the Suez debacle. Still it’s nice to be praised in public, even though she told him in private that things aren’t looking good.
B.. But Bush said he was winning…I saw him on TV…
“Oh don’t listen to that weasel. He won’t save his skin, and anyway I’m going to be the next president”.
“So what will you do?”
“Call in the UN and pullout. Two deaths a day is bad enough, but if Iran gets stuck in then we’re done”.
“Oh I see…”
“How many casualties have you had?”
“None.”
“Jesus Christ no wonder you want to stay.”
“Well I’ve never been in a war and neither have any of my cabinet ministers or my back benchers. I’ve been told it’s character building….”
“Fuck! Getting horribly wounded and maimed is no joke….”
“Gee I never thought of that….You know Pete has always wanted my job…..”
“Well you don’t want to be the one to pull the plug.”
“No you’re right…but what about George?”
“Don’t you worry about him…you need to worry about number one”!
“You”?
“You’re darn right!

Howard stands on the podium with Condoleza next to him.
“We both expressed to each other the need to be firm regarding the war on terror.”
From the back: “Did you discuss the uranium issue’?
“Err…we had a full and frank discussion about many issues. We see eye to eye on everything”.

That night in bed: “so when are you going to give Peter the nod”?
“When he kisses my arse. In public”.
“Like you did Bush”?
The silence is deafening.

THE LAST VISIT

What could our govt. do with 3 million dollars? Quite a few useful things to improve our standard of living; instead it has degraded it by wasting it on a freeloading visitor from Britain –Betty Windsor, who happens to be the richest woman in the world (owning a few choice pieces of property in Sydney) and is our queen. This woman is the epitome of the inequality in Western society, and the insidious power of the rich. We didn’t want her here, we didn’t need her here but she came anyway, at Johnny’s request, and the public simply ignored her. Gone are the days when we lined up ten deep in the streets too wave and get a glimpse of her. We are grown up now.
The organisers of the Commonwealth Games had the right idea - they snubbed her by refusing to play her song, playing ours instead. Not even a twenty one-gun salute could make up for that indignity.

Couldn’t she be a nice person despite these qualities? Not really, we know enough about her through Dianna, to never want to see her again.

Don’t be fooled by another Howard lie: we did not vote to retain the monarchy. We voted against Howard’s ploy to let the pollies vote for our president. We’ll get another go with or next PM – Costello (who is a republican).
We are still left with a perplexing question – who murdered Dianna? Did MI6 act independently? If not who authorised them to carry out the hit? What happened to the cyclist who was first on the scene, while she was still alive? Why didn’t the police interview him?

How sad would it be for prince William to become King and wonder if his rels were implicated in the crime of the century – but no…he must have a pretty good idea of why and how his Mum and her lover were murdered.