LIVING WITH A TRANSSEXUAL WIFE

Well we're not actually married yet, but it's on the cards. After three years and four months, it's no longer a case of "maybe" but "when".

I remember us walking out of Westside Private Hospital after her sex reassignment surgery and wondering what lay ahead for us. How long would she take to heal; how would our makeshift sitz bath work; how would the operation change her; how would it change me, and more importantly how would it change us?

Well I can report that everything is going fine, and to the surprise of some, we are still as in love as ever.

Twenty-two years ago, after a TM group meditation, a group of us went to Sydney's best ever macrobiotic restaurant, The Source, at Bronte Beach. This was where I met this tall god, and there was an initial attraction, a good mix of chemistry, so we became friends. The problem was me being queer, and him hetero, we soon went on our own different paths.
In 2002, after two marriages, Paula was born and decided to look me up. I was still single and queer (though labels aren't my thing, I guess I was sometimes bisexual during those twenty-two years). Well the attraction was still there, and certainly the friendship took off from where we had left off. And the rest is history.

I guess you want an explanation of how a queer guy can live with a transsexual woman, and even contemplate marrying her. Surely, you say, that's a recipe for failure - is it not? Actually no, it's not. When you start with friendship, add chemistry, attraction, respect, maturity, life experience, and mix with a good sense of humour, heaps of TLC, and discover that you're best friends on top of everything else: Voila!

We had the support of friends, relatives, gay and lesbian friends, transsexual friends, straight friends. And not a few fans from our very public stint on Channel Nine TV and the photographic gallery exhibition Intimate Encounters.

Now you're still puzzled.

Are you still gay, or have you been somehow converted?

Silly question! A gay guy is queer for life. His sensibility is gay. He is a great cook. I still enjoy gay movies, gay novels, gay friends, but then so do bi-guys, and not a few straight guys.

Queer guys make the best lovers, because we are totally opened to our feminine side, and we always aim to please. Paula has never tried to "convert" me, she likes me too much as I am.

I still watch "Queer as Folk" religiously. Who would have thought that Brian would decide to marry Scott?

My lifestyle has changed drastically a bit like Brian's. No more serial monogamous short-term tragic love affairs. No more having to be out on Saturday nights. Now I'm content to stay at home with Paula. Change is what life is all about. If you don't change, you die. I've given up my "cheap thrills", but I have gained so much. And I've finally learnt about and embraced "commitment".

I know gay guys who are real couples, and I used to envy them, but it never worked for me. Now I have invented a different (for me) type of couple. A man and a woman. The man has a disability and is queer. The woman is transsexual and straight.

It's perfect!